5 Things I have learnt about motherhood (that they don't tell you about) ... so far.



Welcome to my first blog post! I feel like it’s been a long time coming but my reason for not committing is just that, I don’t like to do anything half hearted and want this blog to be consistent and regularly updated. So with that in mind I thought I would start with something I know a little or very little about depending on what time of day you ask me.






As my sons 3rd birthday is fast approaching I have been ‘that’ mum looking through all his baby pictures and reminiscing, and then I remembered the shit storm that is child birth/a new born and have quickly re thought the whole “I’d love another” scenario! 


Anyway, I digress already.


5 things I have learnt about motherhood (that they don't tell you about)…so far.


 1. You should buy shares in a dry shampoo company before you give birth!! A question you will come to ask yourself daily is “Can I get away with another day of dry shampoo?” fully well knowing you badly need to wash it, but you spray and bun it and hope for the best. I couldn’t even tell you what day of dry shampoo I’m currently on, but I what I CAN tell you is my favourite scented version (tropical if anyone’s interested LOL). The mum bun is widely known as the crown of a mum, so you wear that crown with pride!!


2. Toddlers are a miniature version of yourself when drunk. They fall over a lot, they are extremely emotional and cry because they are tired/hungry/bit their own finger while eating (just my child?) ,and they make you carry them home after refusing to walk, oh and they say inappropriate things at the most inconvenient time, “mummy there is a HUGE poo in my nappy” at the checkout in Aldi. Truth be told the whole queue smelt it before he announced it. I wish they would give kids in school a toddler for 24 hours and not those fake crying babies because it would be enough to stop anyone doing it for the rest of their lives! I don't remember them telling me about the patience I would need to calm a toddler meltdown over the fact he ate all his raisins at those ante natal classes!


3. You will develop a certain voice that you use just when in soft play/around other parents and children. “Now we don’t do hitting at home now do we?” “Lets share our toys with the nice boy please” You know the one. We all do it, probably to make ourselves feel better when your child losses it over a toy car they were forced to share.
4. You will bribe your child to do most things. My bag is overflowing with Oscars favourite snacks because I know I will have to bribe him to do things like, getting in the car, getting out of the car, getting in the pram, getting out of the pram, going in a shop, getting out of a shop, you catch my drift.


5. Finally, you will spend all your money on things for your child. While they are swanning around in fancy trainers you are wearing old maternity knickers and tops with questionable stains. If you do splash out and treat yourself to the very rare new top because the old one disintegrated in the wash, you get the serious mum guilt and end up sending it back anyway.



So there you have it, my first blog post. If you've read this far i'd love to know what you think!

Jordan x

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